Let’s stop pretending.
You know when I was young my mom got angry at times. She had 4 kids, three which were not her own and it was tough. She always tried to make things good, but it was far from easy right? When she was angry, she’d take it out on the pots and pan. It’s kind of satisfying to bang things around. When you asked if she was ok, you’d get “I’m fine!”
We always say men compartmentalise and don’t face their feelings. But what about women? We always try to act like it’s all ok, when we’re falling apart.
Yes, of course we talk about our feelings more, but are we real with other women or always trying to pretend that were good? To save face somehow? To always be ok and look beautiful? I think it’s the latter. We might be worse than men.
Men may not talk about their feelings, but they don’t pretend that they’re fine with such emphasis that we actually have no choice but to believe it either.
I must admit I’m guilty too. But my son sees straight through me and pulls me up on it.
“Mom everything doesn’t need to be perfect every minute. It’s ok. Take a break! Relax.”
I say give yourself permission to not be perfect, not be fine every second.
Easier to say than do of course. As I write in my books, when you a have baby, people give you random advice like ‘let things go’ and I muse, yes but what? I want to look good, have a clean house and a happy, healthy and terrific family, right? What the heck do you let go?
The reality is there is some truth in what they say. Some truth in what my son says. Stop. Maybe you don’t need to be perfect. Maybe if your kids eat a toastie some nights its ok! (Let’s face it they would secretly LOVE it and especially if you’re happy.).
During this insane lockdown, where our government has placed ridiculous strains on women, and even more so if you work from home and dare to have kids. No help, No childcare. First, be angry. Yep, it’s ok. I am as well. I’m furious.
Next, tell your partner you can’t do it all. Men can’t read your mind and quite frankly can’t even take your hints (like pot slamming). If you don’t tell them, they don’t know. Remember they can’t find the butter and it’s always in the same spot. They just don’t see what we see.
Now, tell your friends you’re angry or going crazy. Be honest.
Stop trying to be a perfect mother, wife, lover and model. Oh and teacher….
Don’t watch the news. It will bring you down every single day. STOP watching full stop.
Buy that stupid Covid toy and kick the shit out of it. If you haven’t seen it, trust me it exists. OMG.
But then stop. The art and beauty in this, is to allow yourself to get angry, and get over it.
No more fake smiles or I’m fine if you’re not. Be honest.
Last, use that anger to drive you into action to do good things.
Whew. Now I feel like a strong woman, not one who’s faking it and pretending. That’s cool.